Wednesday Reads "Wordhunter"

When browsing the bookstore, I tend to be picky. Yes, I judge a book by its cover and its author! Then, I read the back of the book, and if that interests me, I’ll glance through the pages to make sure it's something I want to get into. On my Kindle, I’m a little less hesitant to read things since I’m reading those books for free the majority of the time. That’s why it’s so frustrating when I do pull the trigger on a physical copy, and it's… not good. Wordhunter by Stella Sands caught my eye because it appealed to the inner child in me who aced every grammar test. Within the pages are sentence diagrams that put me right back into my fifth-grade classroom, younger me actually excited for a lesson. Then I opened the book.

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Wordhunter follows Maggie Moore, a linguistics savant at the top of her forensic linguistics class, who gets roped by the local police into helping solve the disappearance of the Mayor’s daughter. This brings back old memories for Maggie, whose friend went missing when they were children and was never found. With the hesitant help of Detective Jackson, Maggie might be able to solve both crimes.

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My many, many problems with this book begin with the thing that drew me in. I assumed the sentence diagramming would be an integral part of the story as a way for the main character to deduce things. In reality, the sentence diagrams are just sprinkled on every page for random sentences and quotes that have nothing to do with the plot and do nothing to progress it. They also don’t act as an agent to convince me the character is as intelligent as I’m supposed to believe she is, especially when she makes some of the most dense and dull-witted decisions I've ever seen a character make. Which brings me to my next point: When Maggie is brought in to help the local police, she explains certain linguistic concepts that are so elementary that when the other characters react, stunned by this information, I’m stunned myself. Is this small town really that behind intellectually? Maggie is also incorrect with things that someone with extensive linguistic knowledge would know. For instance, when Jackson finds drugs in her home that she is “watching for a friend” (which she conveniently takes out of the duffel bag and organizes on her counter just before a cop waltzes in), he claims he won’t charge her if she helps with the case. She says, “This is bribery”, which it is not. I would assume she would know the difference between bribery and blackmail. 

Not just Maggie, but all the characters throughout this novel feel like caricatures at best. Maggie is a functioning alcoholic who doesn’t mind holding on to your drug stash while she zips around on her motorcycle and chainsmokes cigarettes. She’s a loner who has no trouble spilling her deepest secrets to her brand new cop associate, even though they really dislike each other and hate working together. She works at a diner that apparently has no issue with her coming and going as she pleases, yet she somehow has enough money to get tattoos constantly. Detective Jackson is a stone-cold, by-the-book cop married to the job who is totally fine letting Maggie slide on drug charges if she helps him with the case. He’s got a failed marriage due to his career, and he’s now falling for Maggie even though she’s nineteen. Every other character doesn’t even feel worth mentioning due to their flatness. It seems they were each given one character trait, most of them being a Florida stereotype, that the author fully leaned into. 

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There are so many plot points crammed into these 244 pages that I felt like I was getting whiplash with how fast we moved from one thing to another. What is seemingly a book about two different kidnappings being solved by an unlikely pair with unique abilities, turns out to have unnecessary sexual assault, drug crimes, a full police force softball game mid-investigation, pedophilia, and a random cult to round everything out. All of that happening alongside horrible and obnoxious dialogue just added up to be a disaster of a book.

I wanted to forget about this book many times while reading it, but I stuck it out till the end due to its shortness. I was hoping for some payoff in an exciting ending. I was severely disappointed by the ending, if, at that point, it was even possible. To top everything off, this book doesn’t even pass the Bechdel test… If you have to ask what my stance is on this one, it’s save yourself. I, in good conscience, could never recommend this book to anyone. I typically don’t mind being harsh with a review when it's warranted, but I would never normally say what I’m about to: This is most likely the worst book I've ever read. SKIP!

P.S. If you do decide to read it, don’t feel the need to brush up on the “Casey at the Bat” poem. The book WILL remind you.

Laters, Wednesday